This week was Wing-Person week, Tuesday was Wing-Women where we had 20+ women come together to discuss the same topic as last night's Wing-Man "A Little Bit About Online Dating". I expected both evenings, the singles would come with a notepad and pen, ready to learn the tips and tricks needed to make a few tweaks to improve their online experience, and I had some good ones from my months of research. Yet alas, for both evenings that did not happen. We attempted to keep it productive and positive, but both evenings strayed far from my expectations.
Regardless of what platform you are using, women are inundated with men who have made it oddly normal to ask women for things that if done in person would land them with a lawsuit or in jail, while the great guys on there for wholesome and genuine reasons are ignored either because our shock tolerance is so high that a normal conversation feels boring, or we have already painted them with the same brush as the exhibitionists.
Unfortunately, this odd way of treating one another had bled into and affected today's dating culture. 15 years ago, a man wouldn't dream of spending an entire evening with a women just to go home to then text "wanna come over?" That literally would never have crossed a mans mind back then. Nor would the women have allowed such an unacceptable comment roll off her shoulders, with either a laugh, a wink or to preferably ignoring the comment completely.
Yet the same thing happens for both men and women. We allow ourselves to be vulnerable to the world through a few of our best pictures and a little write-up about who we are, including what makes us unique. We aren't putting these hope and desires into the hands of individuals who care about us, but into the hands of the masses. People, who we would normally never be in a situation to interact with. We come in hopeful and excited to see who we match with, and hopefully want to get to know use better, than the majority of us (no all of coarse) leave feeling worse than when we arrived.
Old school is the best school. To look into someones eyes, and share a few words with them, we already have developed more empathy for their plight in life as a human, than the empathy we lack after reading someone's entire profile, that contains their heart and soul. If you are finding success with online dating, use it as a tool that complements other forms of meeting people. A 'hello' in a Starbucks line up, going out with a few guys or gals for drinks, singles events (shameless plug), join a hiking group, or headed out of happy hour alone after work. Use online in the hopes of getting offline as quickly as possible, and please please please remember, your profile can not communicate what makes you awesome and unique. Try not to allow how men and women react to your profile to change how you feel about yourself, and if you find it is affecting your self-worth, there is no shame in deciding that online dating just isn't for you.