Podcast - Hotline # 11
The Book of Love Podcast gets some interesting questions for our monthly hotline. Some are unique and never heard before, while others get asked often. Question # 2 on Hotline 11 from March 21st, 2022 is what we call, a "frequently asked question".
Why are people I’m not attracted to, attracted to me; while those I’m attracted to, aren’t attracted to me?
One of the most frustrating experiences as a single person is wanting those who don’t want us, and not wanting those who do want us. If this quandary continues for long, we will go from frustrated to burnt out or even give up on dating entirely.
There are many reasons why this may be the case. For some it is delusion of the type of people they can feasibly attract. While others, it could be online dating fatigue. It may even be connected to a deeper issue where people develop crushes on those that are way out of their league as a self defense mechanism. You can't get hurt if all you allow yourself to have are crushes that will never turn into relationships... Right?
Our answer and the most common reason this may be happening, is in fact much simpler than any of these reasons!
Matchmaker: “I think what’s most likely happening here is that you are behaving differently around those that you’re attracted to than those that you’re not attracted to.”
What do we mean by this?
Well, in order to fully understand what we're talking about, we need to take ourselves way back to when we were roaming the halls of our jr. high or high school.
Matchmaker: “When one of your guy besties had a crush on you, likely your reaction was ‘ew no! I love you like a brother!’. But, here’s the kicker, the reason they’re always the ones that are so attracted to you is that you are 100% being yourself around them. With them, you are this fun, goofy and energetic person!”
Then, imagine your crush comes waking down the hall. You do a double take and start to feel excited after seeing him. You have rarely spoken to each other, even though you are in the same Geography class.
He continues to walk closer, and you can feel warmth crawling up your face as a blush spreads over your cheeks. Your friends turn to look at you, because they feel your energy changing and you start acting weird.
Wait! He knows one of your friends and comes towards your group to say hi to him.
Matchmaker :“Your demeanor completely changes. You start to think about stuff like,’I can’t laugh too hard because it’s annoying’, or ‘I can’t say that joke because he’ll think I’m weird’”
After he and your friend exchange some laughs, he continues down the halls. As your face cools, you think to yourself
'what the heck was that?!'
Thank god he didn't talk to you! All words left your brain the minute he came over. I doubt anything interesting or even normal would ever come out of your mouth with him around.
And your friends roll their eyes, because they too don't recognize you when he's around.
Matchmaker: “Truly being yourself is the most attractive thing, and the people that get to see that are more likely going to be attracted to you.”
Okay! So now we figured out what might be happening with the majority of those that are in this situation. What next? It’s not like we can change how we behave when we’re nervous right?
Matchmaker: “What I want you to do is get in more face-to-face interactions with people that you find very attractive. You need to get used to having conversations with these types of people. As they say, practice does make perfect!"
I guarantee, if we pushed ourselves out of our comfort zone to talk to more good looking and attractive people on a daily basis, the less likely we would get nervous when someone we are attracted to AND want to date is around.