It’s no secret that sex makes up for a huge slice of the pie that is a relationship.
Whether you do it frequently, only sometimes, maybe with strangers, haven’t since high
school or have no interest in it at all, sexuality and sex are deeply rooted into our human
The last thing I want you to hear from what I’m about to say below is that casual sex is
bad: it definitely isn’t. I am very passionate about everyone investing time, at some point
in their lives, to explore their personal sexual boundaries and desires. Not only does
this allow for a better understanding and confidence within yourself, but can radiate into
your future relationships as well. Who doesn’t want a partner who has taken the time to
learn exactly what they want!?
Also, the fact that you enjoy sex with more than one partner in a non-monogamous fashion
has absolutely no bearing on your value as a person. So if it’s safe and consensual,
who is anyone to judge? But if you are looking for something long-lasting and stable,
chances are, it won't be found in an application based on physical appearances.
And if you're already allowing someone the honor of having sex with you before an
exclusive commitment - with no past success - it could be time to switch things up.
In our modern world, it’s part of everyday life to pencil our day around the “ding” of
online dating apps - and certainly social media can be a successful tool for networking
of any kind. But one of the most common pieces of feedback I hear about hooking up,
typically via social apps, is that one person is left with their feelings hurt. It doesn’t seem
to make sense why we willingly choose to share our bodies with strangers, then get
disappointed by the lack of communication or affection to follow.
That’s because, I believe, we are misinterpreting our own understanding of intimacy,
which can easily blur the lines between love and sex. Too often we are relying on these
"dating apps"; to find us love, when they are in fact, designed for something different.
Love and sex can sometimes be caught co-mingling in the bedroom, however
are completely separate entities and should be treated as such. If you're finding
some hurt feelings after a casual encounter, well my dear, it's very possible you are
subconsciously looking for something deeper.
So why are your “Tinder” flames burning out exactly? Why do these casual hookups
rarely lead to something meaningful? Well, it’s the same reason going to the Drive-Thru
often leads to a stomachache...
It’s late at night, you’re starving, maybe you had an awful week and just do not have
the energy to cook something healthy. So you turn to your favorite fast-food locale and
drive up to make your order. Everyone knows what to expect: it’s going to be quick and easy. It probably won’t be the best thing you’ve ever had (and someone will probably
show up in sweatpants). Yet, you know it will satisfy your immediate need temporarily.
Sometimes you get the new cashier and get some free fries! But, a few hours pass and your
stomach may gurgle with unfulfilled loneliness and you’re back to square one.
Sure, a person can survive on fast food, but is that how you really want to put your
amazing personality and many incredible attributes to use forever? By only allowing
yourself casual encounters, you’re robbing others (and yourself) the opportunity to know
you in a different realm. I mean, it doesn’t make sense to go for fast food and get upset
they don’t roll out a carpet and nice silverware for you right?
Casual sex is not a bad thing: but it shouldn’t be the only “romantic” avenue you
consider forever. And if it hasn't been successful for you thus far, it could be time to
learn to date with your pants on a little longer.