I was reflecting back on two summers ago when I was actively online dating, and wanted to share with you my experience, encase anyone else felt or is feeling the same way. It was honestly a rough summer and online dating had a lot to do with it. I remember coming back from first coffee date after first coffee date. Each bad date piled one top of one another until 4 weeks into it, I deleted my online profile in a fit of frustration and rage induced tears. It was the volume of low-quality men, masked behind interesting profiles, well-designed pictures and somewhat decent text conversations. I know for a fact that I scrolled past some really amazing men, but because of my shallowness and boredom, they were scrolled past without another thought. What hit me the most after each date was 'damn, another one bites the dust'. We become more jaded the older we get and the more life experience we accumulate. 'Will I ever find someone I have a genuine connection with, like I did when I was 16, 19, 21, 24, or have I hit my allotted number of men to meet and those feeling are to never be felt again.' Dark, and self-deprecating, I know, but I think everyone over the age of 30 has felt this way at least once.
It also created a feeling of apathy that scared the shit out of me. I had met so many new people, for selfish reasons, that I literally stopped having any feelings towards them, both good and bad. I was acting out, and behaving rudely and unkindly, which is very much not who I am. I had become that online dating woman that rip men to pieces because they messaged me the wrong thing at the wrong time, like 'Hey, how's your day going?' How dare they!
I needed to stop online dating and come at it at a different angle. It was just 6 months later that I had my first Speed Dating event, and although I am still single and looking, it is less so for selfish reasons and more with the mindset of entering the dating world to find romantic partners for others, make connections and say yes to a couple dates, and if I meet him along the way, all the better!