Yup, I just got stood up, and not by a new guy, this is someone that I've been seeing off and on since before Christmas. I may be writing this at 4:30 am after not sleeping because of pure white fury, but trust me when I say after eight full hours, my emotions and thoughts are in order.
The last time I was stood up was by my high school boyfriend Dave. It wasn't a one-time occurrence either, he would stand me up for our dates probably once or twice a month.
Picture a 16 year old girl, all dressed up, with perfect makeup, a great outfit and excitement radiating from her. She's sitting in the living room with her parents and two brothers watching TV. They all knew how excited she is because she spent over an hour and a half getting ready, and they've all seen her shoes neatly placed by the door just waiting to be slipped on, to run out, and jump into Dave's car.
They're all watching the clock as the date start time comes rolling up. This is in 2002, before text was a thing and she has her tiny flip phone on her lap just waiting for the call. 10 minutes after the time Dave was supposed to pick her up, her family starts side-eyeing her as she looks at the clock on her phone every 30 seconds. They know what's coming, because it happened three week prior. As the minutes rolled by, her smile starts to faded, her excitement extinguishes, and tears started rolling down her cheeks. Eventually, after an hour of this, she stands up and heads to bed, to ashamed to say a word to her family, and they know better than to say anything to her.
This was my monthly or bi-monthly ritual for the 6 months I was seeing Dave. How my father didn't take him by the neck and throttle him the next time he came over, I have no idea. Yet here I am again, at 33, excited to spend time with someone who isn't nearly as excited to spend time with me. Why is this happening to me again 17 years later? The same way it happened to me when I was a 16 year old girl, because I allowed it. I'm not saying that this is my fault, nor am I trying to portray these two guys as villain's, because neither of them are. I wouldn't spend time with them if they were bad guys. I have been stood up, with no text or explanation because this is the relationship I allowed to develop. My new favorite dating coach Steve Harvey says "Men respect standards - GET SOME". I've allowed things to slide with this man for the last couple of month. It starts with a "don't worry about it" here, or a "its all good" there. My mindset when dating, is to be kind and forgiving. Unfortunately with this mindset, I get burned over and over again. Moving forward in my pursuit of a partner, I will be setting boundaries and making the men I date aware of what I will and will not tolerate. Just like I vowed I would never allow a man to treat me like Dave did 17 years ago, I will refresh my vow now, at the age of 33, to be kind yet firm about my standards.